Amran Gowani is not averse to risk. He has followed a unique path on his way to writing on Substack. His work is both funny and insightful, and always enjoyable. He has a novel that will be published summer of 2025 ( closer than you think) titled
Leverage. I’m looking forward to it. Plus, he’s a Michigan Man! Go Blue! If you like what you find below, please subscribe:
Amran recently turned 44 so he decided to write down 44 things he’s learned over the course of the last few years. Having a good 20 years on Amran, I couldn’t stand to watch him possibly take the same wrong turns that I have over the last score of years. So, without further ado, here are my additions, in bold below, to Amran’s list for your, and more importantly his, edification:
Forty-Four Rules for Life
1. Never buy a condo. Until after your 70th birthday. By then it’ll be obvious that your kids will sink or swim on their own, so throw down for the condo and kick back. But I’ll never actually do it, not a condo man.
2. If you must be an asshole, be a productive asshole. The kind of asshole who solves, rather than creates, problems for society. Being an asshole takes time, energy and cash, leaving little time, energy or cash for productivity. But I take Amran’s meaning here: To be productive you have to be a bit of an asshole.
3. Resist simple narratives and don’t be reductive. Life’s big issues are multivariate and require nuanced, dynamic thinking. Yet we must also make important decisions in a world where there is never optimal information - you must drive a few stakes in the ground to serve as guideposts and accept that you’ll make mistakes.
4. Create pieces of art you love, then let “the market” worry about whether they’re good, bad, or ugly. Anyone who thinks of “the market” first will never do anything of value, regardless of how they earn a living. Never stop building a trustworthy reputation. Amran’s got this one!
5. Stand up to bullies. For yourself, and for those who can’t. I’m good with this one, though I haven’t had an actual fight in many years. Physical violence must be avoided after 60.
6. That thing you want more than anything in this world? FFS don’t wait around for permission — go get it. Get something done everyday, it adds up to real achievement.
7. Everything experiences diminishing returns; ergo, everything in moderation. In case you didn’t take Econ, Amran means the first two glasses of wine are social, the last three are just a headache. Only have two glasses of wine.
8. Be a serious person, but don’t take yourself too seriously. Really? What would the world do without Liz Cheney and her old man?
9. Biking > Walking >>> Driving. What the hell does he mean here? I’m not buying another bicycle, and I’m sure as hell not walking 3 miles uphill both ways to the library or the grocer. And I get plenty of exercise in the orchard. Biking, huh!
10. Prioritize friends and family over bosses and employers. The former don’t have fiduciary duties, and might even give a shit about you. Well, it’s true, families put everything in perspective. But, don’t let it feel like a noose And to be honest, your employer should be higher on the list than your booky, your drug dealer and your mistress.
11. Don’t be a hypocrite — there’s nothing worse than a hypocrite. It’s true but it’s gotten very confusing and difficult recently. “Do what I say, not what I do,” was hard enough; now we also have “do what I do, not what I say” if you’re tuned into the elite types. C’mon, man, I farm apples and raise birds for the dinner table. You’ll have to be more concrete here.
12. Never get out of the boat…unless you’re going all the way. I’ve told my fishing buddy Jimmy this for years, to no avail. When he’s ready to go, he’s out man, and there’s no stopping him.
13. Learn the difference between politics and policy. Or do it the easy way and ask yourself which cafeteria table will have you and then pull their lever every single time for your entire life, and figure out why afterwards; or, really, never figure it out.
14. Identify your fears, treat them with respect, and overcome them. Do what you can and understand that some desperation is part of life, and also your bailiwick. It’s not for your wife and kids though; it all yours, because you’re special!
15. Follow through on your commitments. Promises. They’re important, especially to your family.
16. Always choose a great movie over a great TV show. So you like old movies, hey?
17. Avoid overanalyzing other people’s behavior. They have their own shit to worry about, and they aren’t thinking about you anywhere near as much as you are thinking about you. Good start here. I’ll only add to not worry about your own status so much or for very long. Good people don’t care as much as you think they do, and it becomes less important as you mature, thankfully.
18. Never cheap it out on shoes or mattresses. Or tomatoes. Always buy quality San Marzano tomatoes in heavy puree. Your family and guests will thank you.
19. For every minute you waste on social media, spend ten biking, running, jogging, walking, lifting weights, reading, writing, masturbating, cleaning, gardening, woodworking, boning — anything more productive. We’ve all come to that conclusion. Strangely the social media sites continue to prosper.
20. Surround yourself with the smartest, strongest, savviest people you can find. Good luck here Amran, because these are also the most likely to be duplicitous, narcissistic and Machiavellian. But you be you! They’re useful and required, too, it’s true, but eyes wide open.
21. When you feel the urge to buy something, ask yourself what you really want, and whether it can be purchased. Proper sentiment here. I would only add that it’s important to avoid financial crises in your life. Be frugal today and you’ll one day have enough to offer help to others, and buy better tools.
22. Visit and patronize your public library as often as possible. And take your kids! Love this one!
23. Approach every problem with toughness, kindness, and fairness in mind2. See #2 above; you’ll have to be a bit of an asshole, one way or another.
24. Go to therapy. You’ll benefit, and so will everyone around you. Discussed this one with all the boys at the barbershop. Sorry, no can do.
25. Brush and floss twice per day. Related: Wear sunscreen. I like the dental effort, the sunscreen is a waste of money. However, if you are bald and you enjoy the great outdoors, buy a hat.
26. Don’t dish it unless you can take it. But dishing it is how you learn to take it. School of hard knocks approach is often undersold.
27. Listen to music instead of podcasts — your brain, body, and soul will thank you. And understand that most podcasters do less than 20 episodes before calling it a day and dropping out. Podcasts are only as good as the guest.
28. Always secure two or more quotes from contractors and vendors. Pro tip: Hire plumbers for plumbing work and electricians for electrical work. Or you can spend hundreds of hours learning how to do it yourself, because your mad, or maybe it has driven you mad. Either way, suffering is my life.
29. When caught conversing with kooks, quacks, and conspiracy theorists, just smile, and say: “Huh. I never realized the government, which Dear Leader Reagan said was bloated, incompetent, useless, inefficient, and chock-full of total dipshits, could orchestrate such a sophisticated, clandestine, globe-spanning operation.” CIA, Amran, CIA.
30. When you make a mistake, make amends. Payoffs, coverups, they have their place, I get it.
38. Talk to your loved ones on the phone. It’s old-fashioned, and inconvenient, and by far the best alternative to hanging IRL. But don’t try the lockdown style zoom call. It never works out. One on one is best.
39. Don’t forget: No one on their deathbed wishes they’d worked more. What? I wish this every night when I review my day. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, now. But I do work for myself, I’ll confess. Work is fun.
40. Give everybody a second chance. Give nobody a third. I have no idea what this means. Sounds like a drug dealer’s mantra.
41. Be grateful, but never settle. Gratitude is in such short supply, practice it as much as possible. Gratitude is the answer to anxiety.
42. Don’t melt down at your kids’ sporting events. They’re supposed to be having fun, and you’re supposed to be a grown-up. You must have attended a youth hockey game, I assume. Why are women the ones who lose it the most, and the most often?
43. Adhere to your principles, even when — especially when — they make you miserable. Suffering is good? Am I reading this right? You’re growing up before our eyes.
44. Accept your inevitable death; cherish your precious life. Yes.
You can find Amran Gowani’s substack Field Research below. It’s worth your time:
Haha wow I didn’t think this could get better but bravo Thomas!! 👏
And I agree with this rule - physical violence must be avoided after 60. Fifties - fair game. And 70 to buy a condo is a good addendum. I see a lot of older folk who do well in condos 😁
Thanks for the shoutout, Thomas! It's always gratifying to see other people engage with my work, and I really appreciate the care, consideration, and comedy you infused into the original piece.
Re: Michigan, I can't say I was surprised they caught a beatdown, but I had certainly hoped they would've performed better. Alas, they've been on a historic run, so I have no complaints.
Thanks always for reading! And Go Blue!