“911, what’s your emergency?”
“Yeah, hey, I’m up on my roof to do some work on the chimney and I noticed that there’s something in bottom of my neighbor’s pond.”
“Your neighbor has a pond?”
“Yes, Ma’am, many of the homes here have ponds, in case of fire they have a local water source I guess.”
“What’s the location?”
“5780 Eastlawn, Armada.”
“I meant the location of the pond.”
“Oh, right, I’m not sure, we only moved in a few weeks back…”
“Ok, I think I know where you are. You have the two little twin boys and the older girl, all three towheads, right, mmm, you know those little boys are rambunctious right, they’re no sooner out of the house and they make a regular ruckus!”
“I’m sorry who are you?”
“I’m your neighbor, Russell, it is Russell right? Mmm, and that pond you’re nosin’ around about is my pond.”
“No kiddin’!”
“Yeah, no kiddin’, I’m not sure why you had to call 911, this number is for emergencies, so again what is your emergency?”
“Well, I think there’s a car in your pond, I’ll be damned but yes, it’s a car, the more I look at it…”
“I know it’s a car Russell, for goodness sake, it’s in my pond isn’t it?”
“You put a car in your pond, your own car in your own pond?”
“Well it wasn’t actually my car, but it was always in my way in my garage, sucking up my pay and the apple of my first husband’s eye.”
“Wow, so what did your husband, your first husband I guess, what’d he say when you drove the car into the pond?”
“My first husband wasn’t much of a talker, kind of a quiet type, to this day, you will never know what he thought of it. And I didn’t drive it into the pond. It was left on the slope above the pond, apparently in neutral, and the next morning it was in the pond.”
“Holy Toledo! Does your second husband know there’s a car in the pond?
“My second husband is in the wind, if you must know. My third husband does not know what’s in the pond, doesn’t care to know what’s in the pond and will never need to know what’s in the pond. Ok?”
“Well, I guess so, if that’s the way you want it? I’ve got no reason to tell him, or even talk to him. The only man I’ve seen over there anyways is an older gentleman anyways, maybe your father?”
“No, that’s my husband, I finally got smart and married a man who worked hard and saved and had a beautiful, little nest egg. Well, I don’t need to explain all this to you.”
“No, heck, you don’t need to explain anything to me.”
“Good, now if you could please refrain from calling 911 unless you fall off the roof or there is some other true emergency sir.”
“Will do.”
“And keep those two little boys away from my place, especially away from the pond.”
“Will do.”